I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.

I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.

Keep honking while I reload.

Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!

Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.

EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.

Your child may be an honor student but you're still an idiot.

If you drink, don't park.

Accidents cause people.

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.

Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.

Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.

Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

Boldly going nowhere

CAUTION - Driver legally blonde!

Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway

He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged

Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window

How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost.

I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to be assimi... Oooh! Donuts!

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets

If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now

WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull

Keep honking, driver reloading

CAUTION: I drive just like you!

All generalizations are false

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

I brake for no apparent reason.

I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

I love cats...they taste just like chicken.

Rehab is for quitters.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.