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Biff Simpson's Stoopid Web Site
Life's Perplexing Questions

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I
think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink
whatever comes out"?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the
toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a
song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio
out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the
time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where
the bathroom is?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get
undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all
fours? They're both dogs!

What do you call male ballerinas?

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

Why ARE Trix only for kids?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme
crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

Why is a person that handles your money called a

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made
from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there
to hear him, is he still wrong?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over
a billion stars in the universe, you believe them,

but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you
have to touch it to make sure?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come
from morons?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star
have the same tune?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the
hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face,
he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride,
he sticks his head out the window?