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Biff Simpson's Stoopid Web Site
Three commercials

Commercial #1
A woman is standing center stage as the lights come up. A man enters and walks up behind her, placing a necklace around her neck. She hugs him in delight as the announcer says:

Announcer: Give her a necklace of fine diamonds by Elizabeth Taylor & Company and show her that youd marry her
all over again... And again... And again...


Commercial #2
Announcer: A scene at a window of a tall building.

(Lights up showing a man leaning out of a window. He rubs his hands together, cups his hands to his forehead, obviously disturbed about something. Another man appears next to him.)

Heckler: Really gonna jump, or are you gonna chicken out? I mean, you guys are REALLY somethin y know? All promise and no action.

(The prospective jumper gives him a stern look and starts lacing on some sneakers)

Heckler: Yep, no action at all. Look at all them people down there. Theyre waiting for a show, but do you care? No. You just stand up here lacing on some sneakers. Whattya doing that for anyway? Youre just gonna mess em up in a minute, unless you chicken out.

(The prospective jumper stands up, counts to three and pushes the heckler off)

Jumper: I think Ill go jogging instead.

Announcer: Nike. Just do it.


Commercial #3
Scene opens with a very FAT man stuffing two sandwitches in his mouth and downing them by drinking out of a gallon jug of milk. He burps, smiles and shows an obvious milk mustache as the announcer says:

Announcer: Milk. It does a body good.