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Biff Simpson's Stoopid Web Site
Serengetti Lounge

Scene opens at a lounge bar. A Ryan the Rhino (person wearing a fake horn nose) and Leo the Lion (Mane and whiskers) sit at the bar with drinks before them. Lounge music is heard in the background.

Ryan: Im telling you, Leo. This was a loooong day at the zoo. Its a jungle out there.

Leo: I know what you mean. I thought Zoo life would be easy... free meals, no fire ants and termites... but those kids are more brutal than any carnivore.

Ryan: Its almost like they aim for your eyes all the time when they throw those peanuts.

Leo: And that chimp next door. Will he ever shut up??

Ryan: Well, you have to understand that humans somehow think that we enjoy it when they make faces at us. Yesterday, Bonzo had to endure one human who thought it was cool to scratch his armpits and beat on his chest for four solid hours.

Leo: Thats terrible. I didnt know. (To bartender) I'll take another swallow. (The bartender brings him a bird, which Leo gulps down) Want one? (Leo offers a bird to Ryan)

Ryan: Are you kidding?? Im a herbivore... a vegetarian.

Leo: Come on... just one. You dont know what youre missing.

Ryan: (Glances around to see if anyone is looking and then pops a bird in his mouth). Hey... not bad!!

Leo: And theyre great with a little Chanti.

Ryan: Speaking of wine: did you hear about Campbell?

Leo: The zookeeper? No. What has he done now?

Ryan: He was hitting the sauce the other day and mixed up the meals for the garter snakes and the boa constrictors. The poor garter snake cant see too well and wound up eating a meal that was bigger than he was.

Leo: Stomach pump?

Ryan: No. They wound up holding one end and squeezing him like a tube of toothpaste.

Leo: Ow. Thats gotta hurt.

Ryan: Yeah. Hey. Did you hear about the new arrival?

Leo: You mean the skunk or the Tasmanian Devil? I dont know which is worse. Last year they put Samson upwind of me and started feeding him over-ripe bananas. I thought I was gonna die.

Ryan: (getting up) Well, I gotta turn in. Big day tomorrow and I have to get my beauty sleep.

Leo: (points to the horn) Yeah, right. Just kidding, big guy! Catch you tomorrow night.

Ryan: Wouldnt miss it.

(They slap each others hands, bump elbows and screech/roar in a fraternity-like manner, then wave goodbye)