Scene opens with two people standing and gesturing toward the left rear of the stage.
Tourist 1: Oooh... The great pyramid. Isn't it magnificient?
Tourist 2: Yeah. It's too bad that of all the seven wonders of the world, it's the only one left.
(A dumpy looking man approaches.)
Sal: Errr. Not quite.
Tourist 1: I beg your pardon.
Sal: Not quite. There is one other great wonder of the
world which is still standing.
Tourist 2:But it says right here in this brochure that, of all of the seven wonders of the world, all have been destroyed
except the great pyramid.
Sal:Except that there were eight wonders of the world.
Tourist 1: And the eighth wonder might be...
Sal:Err... The fountains of Mel.
Tourist 2: What are the fountains of Mel.
Sal:The fountains of Mel are a recently discovered natural wonder of incredible beauty in Passaic, NJ. Here. I just
happen to have a couple of brochures.
(Hands the brochures to the two tourists)
Tourist 1: And you are?
Sal:Sal Jones of Mel's tours, Inc. Pleased to meet you. Here's my card.
Tourist 2: This card has Mel's Towing' scratched out and Mel's Tours' written over it.
Sal:Both are part of Mel's International' a multicorporate, international organization based in Passaic.
Tourist 1: Okay. I'll play the game. Exactly what are the fountains of Mel?
Sal:The fountains of Mel are naturally occuring edifices by which the ..er.. Mesopotamian emperor Mel build his celestial
summer palace in Passaic.
Tourist 2: But all of the other wonders were man-made.
Sal:Err... These naturally occuring edifices were meticulously hewn from their native surroundings in Gonwandaland, transported
to Passaic and reassembled.
Tourist 1: Is the building in the background the palace of Mel?
Sal:(proudly) Yes, it is.
Tourist 1: Why do I see the words, "Passaic City Hall" etched over the door?
Sal:A lot of people make that mistake. Passaic City Hall', loosely translated is actually, err... Mesopotamian for Beautiful
palace built by the fountains'
Tourist 2: Who is the man standing in the foreground in this picture?
Sal:That's my brother.
Tourist 1: I hate to ask, but what is his name?
Tourist 2: Lets go.
Tourist 1: No. I want to hear this. (turning to Sal) And exactly how could we tour these fountains?
Sal:I'm glad you asked me that. Mel's Tours offers a glorious four day, two night dream vacation package to Passaic.
Tourist 2: Four days and two nights? Where are we supposed to spend the third night?
Sal:Most people lose at least one night in Atlantic city. Or you could spend a night here. (Hands her another card)
Tourist 2: Mel's Motel 6 and Convention Center?'
(Sal nods in approval)
Tourist 1: (turns to other tourist) You're right! We're outta here!
Sal:Only a modest down payment of $49.95 will speed you on your way!
(The tourists gesture for Sal to go away as they exit)
Sal:Could I interest you in the Falling Gardens of Ramona?
(Two more tourists enter)
Tourist 3:Wow! The great pyramid! The last great wonder of the world.
Sal:(Walking over to the newcomers) Not quite.